Looking in the mirror that morning, it became dismally evident that the person who stared back was a shadow of who she could be. My body started to shake and the uncontrollable crying followed. It wasn’t too long after the neurologist’s diagnosis that I found myself curled up in the corner of my bedroom with an unsettling pit in my stomach and tears welling in my eyes.
#Facing your fear how to
I had created a mess inside my body and mind, now I needed to figure out how to untangle the years of destruction. Part of me was completely relieved while another huge chunk was utterly confused as to where to go from here. His words repeated in my head for days, if not weeks. “You do not have a neurological disorder, you have anxiety,” firmly stated the neurologist. The diagnosis always remained the same the conclusion never wavered like my daily symptoms. I demanded a neurologist appointment, believing that my tingling and other odd symptoms must be an early sign of multiple sclerosis, lyme disease, or whatever else Google had suggested that I had on that particular day. It was just a fluke that it ended up being the new vitamins added to my morning routine and not something of a more serious nature. They were as legitimate as my pee being a fluurescent yellow the last time I showed up on Urgent Care’s doorstep. That just couldn’t be, these symptoms were real and not some made-up condition. I had been to the emergency room so many times that I had started going to different hospitals for fear of being recognized as “a regular” by the nurses.Įach visit resulted in the same diagnosis.“You have anxiety,” said doctor after doctor. This wasn’t my only symptom there were also episodes of tunnel vision, tingling fingers, panic attacks, and lightheadedness. It must be an ailment that was so rare that they probably didn’t even have a cure, or worse, one that meant I would have to be quarantined in a plastic bubble for the rest of my shortened days. Surely this symptom had to mean that I had some mysterious and deadly illness. It felt as if my innards were vibrating like a washing machine was running on spin cycle inside my body. again, lying in my bed trembling from the inside out. I was wide-awake at three in the morning.
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